To My Future Self

You hear about people "losing motivation" and becoming overwhelmed in what they have to be, not what they are. The constant pressure to know who you're going to be is ever prevalent in our daily lives, and creates an unnecessary stressor to kids and adults alike. Over the last few years, I've had the mindset that I had to have a future. I had to have a life that would please everyone and fit to the construction that was created for me. I knew I would go to Berkeley and become a lawyer. I knew I would move out and live on my own. The plan I was dictating for myself was one of many years of education and that's how I wanted it. I would ask my friends, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and many wouldn't know. To that I would be confused, thinking, "You are a 15 year old and you don't know?". I was exposed to the fact that many kids didn't have that thought of who they wanted to be, and I started thinking of why I was so obsessed with it. I didn't want high school to end, but I wanted my life to start. I was at a contradiction with myself between 'not caring' and 'caring too much'. I decided that instead of hoping to carry out my plan in every way that I wanted to, I should just "see what happens", and that became my motto. If I didn't do an assignment, I wouldn't stress, but I'd "see what happened". Yet somehow, I still wasn't content. Feeling like I'd let go of that "aspiring scholar attitude", I started to find a balance within myself, deciding I would live with purpose, but not a plan. I would have desire, but no promises. The feeling of having options is so important, but I often became infatuated with the idea of having a set future I would push aside any. Where I am right now is the greatest place I've ever been. The world I'm living in, the choices I am making, the people who are surrounding me, they are the most important things right now. It's not about losing motivation, but living in the moment. Being a teenager while I can. It shouldn't be a race to the finish line, but a run worthwhile. I feel like I've found that balance that I am happy with now, and to my future self, I hope I will have lived in every moment I could've. Taken every chance, failed every mistake, loved every person, and grown with every opportunity. I don't want to have any should have's or wish I would have's. To my future self, I hope that I listened to everyone's advice and grew into a person stitched by many words. To my future self, I hope I have become the person that I strived to be, and that I challenged every obstacle I encountered. To my future self, I hope I lived.