To My Future Self

You hear about people "losing motivation" and becoming overwhelmed in what they have to be, not what they are. The constant pressure to know who you're going to be is ever prevalent in our daily lives, and creates an unnecessary stressor to kids and adults alike. Over the last few years, I've had the mindset that I had to have a future. I had to have a life that would please everyone and fit to the construction that was created for me. I knew I would go to Berkeley and become a lawyer. I knew I would move out and live on my own. The plan I was dictating for myself was one of many years of education and that's how I wanted it. I would ask my friends, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and many wouldn't know. To that I would be confused, thinking, "You are a 15 year old and you don't know?". I was exposed to the fact that many kids didn't have that thought of who they wanted to be, and I started thinking of why I was so obsessed with it. I didn't want high school to end, but I wanted my life to start. I was at a contradiction with myself between 'not caring' and 'caring too much'. I decided that instead of hoping to carry out my plan in every way that I wanted to, I should just "see what happens", and that became my motto. If I didn't do an assignment, I wouldn't stress, but I'd "see what happened". Yet somehow, I still wasn't content. Feeling like I'd let go of that "aspiring scholar attitude", I started to find a balance within myself, deciding I would live with purpose, but not a plan. I would have desire, but no promises. The feeling of having options is so important, but I often became infatuated with the idea of having a set future I would push aside any. Where I am right now is the greatest place I've ever been. The world I'm living in, the choices I am making, the people who are surrounding me, they are the most important things right now. It's not about losing motivation, but living in the moment. Being a teenager while I can. It shouldn't be a race to the finish line, but a run worthwhile. I feel like I've found that balance that I am happy with now, and to my future self, I hope I will have lived in every moment I could've. Taken every chance, failed every mistake, loved every person, and grown with every opportunity. I don't want to have any should have's or wish I would have's. To my future self, I hope that I listened to everyone's advice and grew into a person stitched by many words. To my future self, I hope I have become the person that I strived to be, and that I challenged every obstacle I encountered. To my future self, I hope I lived.

Be You

In my generation, individuality is rare. People face the constant struggle to "fit in". They seem to believe society has cast a certain mold for them to conform to, and that anything outside of that is considered weird. It doesn't necessarily mean that being yourself is a bad thing, but it's not a common thought. From a young age, parents encourage their children to be their own person. Think your own thoughts and develop your sense of right and wrong. Learn from your mistakes and shape your own personality with your likes and dislikes. However, there comes a point where that spark of individuality fades. Suddenly, it's not about making your mark on the world, but blending into the picture. We see it all the time on social medias or at school. People will buy the shoes that everyone else is wearing, and start using the common hashtag, and I'm not saying that is a bad thing. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook have connected people that would've never met before based on their like interests. It's such an advance in how relationships are formed and it's this global connection that has allowed people to create new friends. Per contra, it becomes a problem when people think their interests are strange or unaccepted because of a large majority of kids that don't understand them. It takes a certain amount of self-confidence and strength to write or post or express your interests, no matter how "nerdy" or "weird" they are. A young girl I know recently started her own blog all about being what she calls a "complete and total geek". As you read her writing, her personality comes through so much that it's as if you're standing right in front of her listening to her talk about her obsessions in Doctor Who and band. It's so... refreshing you could say to see a teenager that doesn't necessarily care what others think about her, and that it's ok to like things that aren't exactly well known. You can read about many young people suffering from anxiety and depression because they feel they don't belong in this world with all their peers. The social pressures inflicted upon them to be like everyone else can become too much for them and they crack. It's an increasing problem with no current relief. As important as it is to have good friends to lean into when you need, it's also just as important to have self-confidence and trust in yourself that you always can do what you want to do. It's as simple as not caring what your friends will think of your new dress, or the fact that your boyfriend is a total nerd. The things that matter to you the most should hold a significant importance that you respect and let shine through. Be yourself and create a change that you were meant to bring. Don't think that you were brought here just to fade away. Let your heart guide your mind in everything you do and you will never give up.